My One and Only Birthday Wish .

So , I haven't been on this in forever , I honestly forgot about it because I had a tumblr , but then it got blocked , & I didn't wanna make more posts on this , cause like , I didn't want it to get rid of the last post , just cause I really loved that day & post , but this is a new year , & a new me , & a whole lot of new people . Not really new people , but old people that have changed into a new person , some for the better , & some for the worse . I've been wanting a way to get this all out , & I guess this is it . I have a "friend" that I am really fading from , he doesn't go on here anymore , so I guess it's safe , he'll never see this . But when ever I here about him , or talk to him , it all just feels like w/e . Everything seems dead now . I really don't like it , I don't wanna be like that especially with this person . He was such a great person back then , & he promised me that he would never lose contact with me , but that's what's happening now , I know we both moved on , well he did , I didn't really completely move on , but right now I'm not sure . I still helluh care for him , but it's all w/e now . He's the one person that I don't wanna fade away from . He really meant alot to me , and still does . But now , ever since we started fading , he's been doing stuff that could really ruin anybody , he started thizzing , started smoking , started sneaking out , staying out late . The only thing good that happened was that he's focusing on school more . I mean yeah he wasn't an angel before , but I honestly liked the old him . I miss how even if we were in a certain situation , he would talk to me , we would keep each other updated , he'd be honest with me & I'd be honest with him , he wouldn't stay out late unless his parents really approved , & they are pretty lenient . But he was so full of spirit & happy , & full of energy . He'd always put a smile on my face no matter what . And make me the happiest person ever . He was my bestfriend & a valued loved one . But now , it's like , w/e . On the rare occasions we talk now , he's like dead . He has no energy , he seems like he doesn't care , he talks like he doesn't care , it seems like he's not happy . And it's not like he progressively became like this , it's just all of a sudden . And it makes me sad . Ever since we faded , we've went through so much together , & I used to be one of those people that knew the most about him & vise versa , but now , I don't even know him . Now , he's just some stranger to me . Some disintegrating memory . I won't forget all of those memories that we had , cause those memories were the things that most impacted me , they made me who I am today . Those memories were the ones that I promised to you , that I will cherish forever , cause they were worth cherishing forever . I will never ever let them go , how I will eventually fully let you go . I promised that I would never let you go . But that will be the first & last promise that I cannot keep . I used to always hope & pray for you , & they always turned out great , but ever since we made it official to stop everything , & then the 2 months after that when we started fading , I lost hope in you , I lost faith in you , all the prayers I had were all meaningless words . I will stop hoping for you , but I will not stop the prayers . Maybe you'll change someday . Maybe someday . But for now , Stranger that I love so dearly . Goodbye . Because I can't take it anymore . I can't handle the pain I get knowing that you're slowly killing yourself , that you're just giving yourself artificial happiness , that you're becoming that disintegrating memory . I can't take it , you would always avoid something that would hurt me , every single time we talk you always apologize for all the times you've hurt me . You don't see how what you're doing is hurting me , & if your parents & family knew , hurting them . What the hell happened to you . I will never really know . I hope you straighten up by the 27th of February , cause that's all I'll be wishing for my birthday ; is the old you , even if it's only for that one day , that's what my birthday wish is ..