Drama should get out of my business and stay on the television screen .

I really don't like it when people are so immature . We're in highschool , stop being elementary about everything . Like yesterday , I went to go check my myspace , and I signed on to my msn too . I barely go on myspace for like , months ; but I just got on , and of course I was like expecting to have a billion comments , messages , friend requests , etc . But I checked my email , and My ex Chris sent me a message about how I'm yadahyadahyadah it's SO STUPID , we're over , he has no right to constantly harrass me . I swear ; I just looked at it and laughed , because he was being very immature about the whole situation , he thinks that him doing that calling me a whole bunch of unnecessary things & all this all that is going to make me come back to him , and it was just a big waste of time . Then I checked my myspace again , and his little "homegirl" Rachel sent me a message saying the same thing and some other things too , and then calling me a "fucking slut". And I tried replying to her , saying that this is stupid and she's not apart of any of this , and that she shouldn't be sending me hate mail like that , cause all this is just middle school all over again . But she blocked me and took me off her friends . wth ? Its so stupid , she isn't apart of this and she had to go make herself apart of this , and now my ex is telling all his little KR friends all these things that aren't true . Then I checked my truthbox , and someone said I was a slut , and I wonder who that could be . So my "kuya's" got all mad and were threatening to do somethings ... I told them to shut up & not be apart of it though , I could handle it myself , and I made sure they didn't do anything . But then days passed , and my current bf Gerry my homegirls' , my kuya's & I all did our best and cleared shiet up . That day his friend Rachel , the one who sent me the message , texted me and told me that she never sent that message , and that it was my ex who went on her myspace himself and sent it because he was at her house chilling with her and her cousin . And that she only knew this when my cousin from K-dub (Krista: I love that girl(; ) messaged her . And my other homegirl posted a bulletin telling people to stop this drama , and leave me alone . I took her apology & she understood me & my situation , And she thought that my ex was being really immature and stupid about things . But I was so done with this whole drama thing , and it just had to start again , after the whole KL kids thing , I mean , I went to that school for the first couple weeks , so I was cool with people there . But then one of my "kuya's" had to start shitt , and I suddenly got involved . Then , this had to happen , then a whole bunch of rumors about me in other schools are going around . And then this girrrl is all mean mugging me , and talking about everyone behind their back , and is prejudging and all this shit , is bugging me . And all this fcckn drama going on isn't worth it . I mean , we're in high school , its only our first year , we're only freshmen and I know its kind of hard , the transition between middle school into high school , I mean . The drastic change between elementary and middle school was big for everyone , think about the middle school to high school stage . I mean high school is another journey within itself . And , if we keep up with all this drama , were going to have bigger drama when we become true adults . I mean you don't see 2 adults starting "beef" just because one of them has a friend who talks about them , like every single day . Everybody needs to grow up , even if they don't want to , they will eventually have to . Because all this drama is just plain stupid and a waste of time . Focus on your school for all that is good and holy , jesus lord ..

I'm done ranting on about this .

Past vs. Recent

WOW . That is all I can say .. So much has been happening ever since 120608 ; After the Pacquaio party , it's like some messed up roller coaster . There are HUGE ups and HUGE downs . Its like steep ups & downs . A former relationship I had kind of sparked up again at that little party . It messed up my now ex relationship very very bad .. But then again it opened my eyes to who really cared about me . I mean , when you're in the moment with that first , and feelings rush back , you can't help but reminisce . And that was one of the best nights I have ever had . We got left in the room , and started clearing things up about the past , we started confessing everything , just EVERYTHING . Everything got cleared , and we started fresh , new , all over again . I've been so blind before , I never gave my past a chance , when it could have been something actually special and different . And after all that , and throughout all that time we both have never really gotten over each other , we moved on sure , but deep down inside , in the back of our minds , we never gotten over each other , those feelings were always there , that flame , that spark . If there was not flame there , then there would be no flame to spark , is that right . And my most recent ex is just UGH . My besties / cousins made me realize who I should really be with who I really do love , she helped me out so much . How my just most recent was such a jerk toward me when I could only spend an hour or 2 with him , and my past was undeniably happy to be able to just sit beside me , and just stand near me , or just even look / see me . And how when I was with the past he never gave me attitude he was never a jerk , he never made me cry , we never ever had a fight , because there was nothing to fight about , we didn't even break up , people broke us up , and he was always faithful & honest to me . But with my recent , it was way different . He was a jerk to me every night , I cried every night , and my mother was so upset , she even told me ,"All I see you ever do is cry every night over that boy , I don't want you to waste your tears on that boy , What happened to my daughter I don't even know you ." I went through so much unnecessary drama , I put up with his attitude and everything . I make one mistake and I get yelled at by him - to add on to that , my mom yells at me cause I'm crying - he called me a lot of derogatory terms , and told me that I never ever cared for or loved him . I was so put down , and he was never there for me , when I was always there for him . Throughout all that , the only guy that was actually there for me in the end was my past . My recent made me go through so much drama & so much pain these past few days , giving me the guilt trip and all this other bulls*** . He was going to commit suicide till I called the police on his a** . And along with that , I had family problems and all this other shizz . Now there's rumors going around about me and the past , we kept it on the "DL" and now , not just my recent is talking shit about me , but allot of people are thinking helluh low of me . SO much things that aren't true . And its just eating me alive . This is just too much for me . The best I can do is just put on a smile for everyone , the only people that really truly do know is the true friends . I know I can get through this , in time it'll work , I just have to be patient , but it's just so hard . It hurts . It hurts me so much , it hurts my friends , the people around me , my family . And I can't live with myself if someone is hurt because of me . They don't deserve that . No one deserves to get hurt by me .

Pacman ; Manny Pacquaio !

Wooh ! I can't wait for tomorrow ! All Filipino's should know what's going on tomorrow ... MANNY PACQUIAO ! Hahah , Manny Pacquiao (PacMan !) vs Oscar de la Hoya . I'm so excited . Tomorrow , I'm going over to my Friend Krizzelle's house , and we're gunna have a little filipino get together (Krizelle , Kristian , Me , Nikki , Gerry , etc .), I'm just super excited . I've been yelling "Pacquiao !" randomly everywhere I go looking like a psycho . My dad's been talking nonstop about it too . Its too bad we don't have filipino channel - if we had it my dad would divorce my mom & marry the TV - that's why I'm going to Krizelle's house , hahah . But any who , I'm super excited . But not as excited that I have to spend it with Gerry near me ... But anyway , I'm still excited ! I'm trying to be nice to him and that's what I'll do , I won't let him bring me down from watching Pacquiao and plus I have a boyprienddd. Wooh , my Dad was talking on and on about Pacquiao and how he's "Bisaya" just like my dad , and how "Bisaya" people are "matapang" tough and stuff , yadah yadah blah . It was pretty funny . And then he started talking about How its going to be hard for Pacquaio because he's Asian , so he's small and short and de la Hoya is like all big & buff . But I can't wait !!

The Underdog Provails .

Thanks Giving .

Thanks Giving was a couple days ago , every year that I have celebrated Thanks giving, it’s always been a happy ordeal. But I don’t know about this year. Lets start from the beginning , when I woke up right away my dad told me to clean , and we weren’t even having anyone over , we were going to some rich mansion in Tacoma for thanksgiving instead of Christmas because we always go to that house in Christmas . So yes, I went downstairs ate pie, was happy, and then, yadahyadah. Then my boyfriend called, & his family invited me to go with them for thanks giving. I was like so excited. I was really ready to go. And my mom was all, go ahead ! She wanted me to be happy . But then my dad was all , no. even if it was the whole family and we had no where else to go he wouldn’t let me . Just because, he was all,” NO. You’re going to OUR party.” It made me super mad. I wanted to kick him. It’s not even our party, and my mom got mad at him too. After a while he came back and he was all,” If you’re gunna go to that party, then don’t come back here.” After that , when he left to go somewhere , my mom broke down and she started confessing to me . She said that if that was to happen that I can’t come back home , how she might just have to leave my dad , they might have to separate . And I thought she was over reacting , until she told me all these other things . How they’re just constantly fighting , and how he’s always yelling . And so many things , I was just so worried about her . I tried to have like a mother daughter time with her , make her feel better . Then my dad came home & we had to act normal . Then about an hour later , we drove to Tacoma , and like the house was like in some rich part of Tacoma in this gated community with other big houses , the house had like a fountain in the middle of its driveway . And like 2 front doors. And like 5 Chandeliers I got lost in their freaking bathroom. Any who , my dad was annoying me to death I swear, I felt like I was gunna punch his face . He was all talking about my boyfriend too , he was all ,” Ohh I remember who Chris is now .That boy in 7th grade , he was that guy that you & Krista kept hugging .” and first of all , I really dislike my cousin Krista at the moment . But , first things first , I never hugged Chris 7th grade , & neither did Krista , that was Nick Versola , what ever , & I didn’t even hug him . So what the hell. And he’s just trying to find ways to hate Chris just because he called my house once at 2 in the morning. That’s really stupid. And then when we got there , this girl that’s like way younger than me , probably a 7th grader , I don’t know kept giving me this dirty look , and she was pretty too which made me envy her & hate her . And then this guy that was there like last year who was really cool with me , didn’t recognize me , And my mom had to embarrass me by saying,” Ohh you got his name right “, like right in front of him . And then after a while after we ate. I was just sitting there and I put my head down. And I started thinking about my mother , and about our conversation earlier , and also , how I should be with Chris , and how my dad doesn’t care . He’s all ordering me around like a slave. And I'm not enjoying anything , my brothers having the time of his life , and my dad can see I’m not enjoying anything . So I was all crying. My mom got really worried about me, and she knows why, so I asked if I could just go to the car & sleep. so my mom let me but I couldn’t so I just waited in the car staring at the fountain , then I had to go pee . & I just tolled my mom everything and she gave me something to do. She gave me this Pamela & made me open it . It looked like cotton candy on the inside and then I threw the parts I took off at my dad because he was drunk . And he was annoying me , and then my mom started throwing the shreds at my dad too . And then my uncle tried to make me feel better by talking about him feeding his dog something sour , and how his dog ran outside and started rubbing its face in the grass and its eyes kept blinking hard. Hahah. But yeah I hope next year its better …

A Confusing Yesterday .

A couple days ago there was an interesting day ... It was a half day because of conferences so I thought that it would be pretty freakinn cool . Nikki came over for a little bit afterschool , then out of the blue I get a call from my cousin Nikole, I haven't really been talking to her , and I felt bad casue we used to be super close , like she new everything about me , vise versa I mean she only lives 7 houses down from me , but highschool has been allowing me to drift from my friends . We’ve been sort of fading / drifting apart , I was like her big sis last year . But anyway , I answered it . And my other "friend" Elisa, answered , she said hey and all that . I'm drifting from her too , she texted me in the morning but I never got a chance to check it . They both asked if they could come over, Elisa said she was in Kent . So I told them sure , prolly just for a little bit , Nikki & I decided to play DDR - so Asian - and then they came over . So we just hung out at my door , but it was so awkward , I tried to like just be myself , and try to have a regular conversation with them , but they were just not in the mood , or at least cooperating . It kind of made me irritated. I even tried to get Nikki out there with me to lighten things up , but it wasn't working either , so instead , I just told them ," Hey , I gotta go to my conference , bye" and yeah . So I went to my conference , & such , & then I went to my brothers' conference , & I had fun , but then I discovered something that just made me cry for his whole conference . One of his teachers told my mom & me, that, a couple boys in his class were harassing him & throwing stuff at him. And this happens in almost every class. I just got so mad, & sad. My brother is like one of the nicest guys I can think of when he’s not distracted . He didn't even tell me this . That other people were doing this to him; it just made me so mad. He was nice enough to just let those kids do that to him, and not tell the teacher or me. Then after My brother’s conference, we went to my singing practice thing for my solo. And then after that we left home, & then when I came home my boyfriend called me, and we started talking about Kentridge Sadies Hawkins. Then I got a call from Elisa's Step dad , he said that Elisa didn’t come home , and that she was supposed to be home right after school , & that he was wondering if I knew where she was , and I told him that she was with Nikole after school . Then he said that she skipped school, because she had a full day of school today, at Renton. So I got worried, & her dad drove over to my house, I grabbed my north face, & me & her dad ran to Nikole's house. I was so worried, I was like tearing up. And then I found her in Nikole's room. Nikole & Elisa were looking at me like I was retarded or something, & I told Elisa that her dad, called me & I was worried and that he was waiting downstairs. And then they told me like the whole situation. How Elisa skipped school and came over here to tell us everything because we all have been fading and we never get the chance to talk nor listen. And how she went to the doctor, and they told her that she has a blood disorder, and how she has to take crap from her parents. And that tomorrow she's leaving for good, she's packing her bags tonight, and taking the train some where. And she went on about how much I don’t care & that it’s best if we kept it that way. And then, we were just all upstairs freaking balling our eyes out, & she went on about how her step dad was telling lies to my mom & Nikole's mom. And it looked like we were in some movie. After a while my mom left & told me to take the time I need. So Nikole’s mom came upstairs and talked to Elisa for a bit & me & Nikole went to Karl's room , (her brother) and we didn’t even look at each other or say a word , I even tried to start a conversation , but it just didn't work she didn't even talk or look at me . And so Elisa , Nikole and me all went to Nikole’s room to talk again , about the whole situation and everything , & we just went on confessing everything for like 4 hours or so . When I got back home it was 12:00 am, & I still had school. and my boyfriend Chris called me for the 50th time , and started yelling at me .. wth . Like forreal I already have had enough bullshit from that night and then he has to call me & yell at me and give me a whole bunch of unnecessary atitude . But then me & Nikole found out some things . And it made us helluh pissed . We found out so much things about her , like really ? She's been fake with us since the beginning . Like Nikole & I went through all of this bullshiet for nothing . UGH big waste of time .

Growing up already ?

Growing up .
Everyone Grows up . Its funny how kids want to grow up , and then adults wish to go back in time , & us adolescence , are's still undecided . Some of us want to be grown already , get away from the parents , & some wish they could relive every single moment , wish things never changed & they could stay young forever . But we all grow up , no matter what we do . But I realized there's just so much changes when growing up . Of course there's gonna be changes , but I never thought this fast . I mean , coming from a strict Asian family yes . My parents are those traditional kind of Asian family , not really Americanized & sticks to our culture , etc . My parents are just way too strict , like over the top . They wouldn't let me sleep over any ones house , wouldn't let me go over any ones house until they've met the person parents , pretty much no contact with boys besides casual talking in person while they are around . Wouldn't let me go out not even in the neighborhood without supervision , etc . Now its like different all of a sudden . Its like this switch to high school changed everything . Its only my 1st year , & wow . My moms totally open with me , we talk as if we're best friends , She lets me have a boyfriend , she lets me go out with friends & my boyfriend . She lets my boyfriend come over , we talk about so much things that I thought I could never , ever talk about to her . Its just weird . But my dad is different , he just became more strict . But I find all this very very interesting .(:

What the Heyall ?

Have you ever just had the worst days / weeks / months ever ? Well that's what it seems like I'm having . These past two weeks have just been the worst . My cellphone got stolen , my ID cards (all of them from my past schools), then My backpack , all got stolen . People I guess think that they're nice palm centro cellphone & a northface backpack . Yeah sure they are really nice , no wonder why people would steal it . But it's more than just a coincidence . In just 2 weeks all of these things got stolen .? This is personal , especially when my backpack got stolen . It was during PE . 6th period . 2 other girls got their lockers brocken into , but all the people did was look through they're shit & dumped all of it back in their lockers . They even looked through one of the girls phones , & they didn't steal it , the 2 girls are from tech too . But with my locker , They threw all my shit on the ground , stacked my books neatly & stole my backpack with everything not school related in it . What's wrong with that picture ?! Someones hatinn . And that's what everybodys saying . I guess the people think I'm rich or something , But c'mon , if they hate me , they could've settled this another way . Am I right ? Yes . People say their jealous ? But uhhhhhh , why would they be Jealous ? They have nothing to envy , NOTHING . But anyway . This is just way more than Coincidence . And I Just got to this fcckn school . They have managed to break me down . I've just been dealing with so much these past 2 weeks . This whole stealing thing , isn't just it ; There is wayyy more to it . Like how I got dragged into huge drama that I shouldn't be in that involves people getting hurt physically , & crap ... And how this whole thing is overwhelming my parents , & they are overover there limit , & worried sick for my safety threatening to send me back to some far away place or back to KL , the school that I'm having current drama with / and had drama with . And just alot of second thoughts about my relationship , & drama with his parents disliking me , prejudging me . And drama with the ex's . And People spreading rumors about me ? Especially in other schools . Ohh yes . The list goes on ..
I just wish People were just plain out nice .

A Fresh Highschool Start

Well , Highschool .
It has been the major topic of most movie's , shows , series , books , etc . To me , it's a time where great change happens . I've been told by many people about the subject . It's supposed to be a time of change , A time where you figure out who your true friends are , a time when you actually become something , figure out who you are , Where you leave all the middle school drama behind & just start fresh . So far Highschool has had its ups & downs for me . Moving from a school where I didn't know anybody & barely anyone wanted to know you , full of clicks & stereotyping . To a school where everyone's open & straight with each other , where I meet new people everyday , & there's no such thing as the popular crowd & the unpopular people . This year so far , I've met so many people . Found out I'm related to someone in just 2 days of meeting them . Have a relationship that could be something more than just a fling . Have been accepted as a musician/singer . Got to meet people that have known me for the longest time that I haven't . Got over something that took me the longest time to overcome (lie as of December). Getting one step closer to finding who I am , & what I want in life ; etc . But through all those ups , there always has to be some downs . Rumors are made (in all schools) , Friends are lost . People Drift , Wasted feelings (...), emotions & tears . Drama . Drama in other schools , Drama not in school , Fights . Immature fights . Highschool is supposed to be the time of change & such . Big , HUGE chapter in my life . Something I do know .. I shouldn't let the downs hold me back , & the ups be my limits . Live for the here & now , put a hold on the past & the future & you can cherish the moment , & make it a vivid one . I'm not saying forget the past . Cause in this bright future you cannot forget the past that created it . Anyway . This is still the beginning of a huge chapter of this novel I call life . I'll just have to live it up then huh ?(: