Once you start , you gotta keep going till you finish ..

Wow .. I can't stop crying , and I guess imma try to stop by blogging . I have no one to talk to at the moment , so I guess I'll talk to my blog . I can't stop crying , and earlier I said I don't even know why I would be crying cause I'm kinda used to this shit .. but then I realized , yeah I do know why , because I honestly do care because honestly I do love him , yaknow ? But yeah , so I thought today was gunna be okay , besides the fact of Haila mistaking an alcoholic beverage for juice & me and her getting tipsy the whole entire day . And then I get a text from him , saying he's coming to visit me today , I was happy no doubt , but then again , I looked like shitt today , and I just got done doing the pacer , so I'm like at my worst , especially in the looks department . And I'm like hellluh self conscious around him , you have no clue , and then so I wait after school in the front for him , and Mandy's their so she joins me , and then we wait . And then Kuya Jon comes , and waits too , and like I wait ; and then so Mandy & Jon grab my phone while I'm talking to Tevin , and they call him , and I guess Mandy & him started on the wrong foot , and BLAHH . So then he came and it was all ehh , he was all mad , so I didn't want to like bother him , cause I don't like it when he's mad . And then he kinda had an attitude with me , but I understand why , the whole Mandy thing , and so I left , cause I felt bad & kind of unwanted there , I went & got my spray from Anna , and I didn't want to go back , so I just decide to sit outside & just wait & sit there for a while . And then he comes , and apologizes , and everything was cooo . After that everything was great , besides how I looked . And then I went & left ; went to Choir Pracc; then went home , everything was all good , besides my laptop beingg fuccked up , so then I called him , and everything was okay . Then idk what happened but then it lead to this little argument , and he apologized and all , but I was like about to cry so I just didn't say anything or else I might've like balled , and then it lead to voices being raised , & I guess yelling .. and ughh ; And all I thought in my head was: "shit .. I thought it would be different this time , he promised me he wouldn't do this .. and yet he just yells like all the others , and treats me as if I'm just some girl ..." And I just kept thinking that , and then he topped it off with saying that I don't care .. that just fucckin hurts . Cause I do care . ALOT . If I didn't I wouldn't be with him , I wouldn't be friends with Haila . shitt ; it's like saying: Ohh you don't love me. Just like all the other guys . UGHH I hope not . But I'm prolly just PMS-ing .. And now I'm crying & I can't stop . Cause once I start crying .. I can't stop till I cry myself to sleep .